As I sit here and write this, I still cannot find all the words to describe how huge the loss is with Ryan gone. He was beyond a friend, he was family. 

Something as simple as seeing his tweets in the morning about being awake, needing to shower and what his weight were that day are things that were constants.

Though he spoke of unreliable women, being antisocial and a multitude of other things that he hated or loved or were annoyed with, we always knew the truth.

Ryan was always the best of men.

He always fought with doing what was right rather than what he wanted.

I will always remember him for being my most reliable friend. The guy you messaged (because he never answered his phone) up 2 minutes before you wanted to eat and he'd meet you wherever. He never forgot a story, a preference or an event. He rarely forgot a face, always shook your hand, hugged you, encouraged you. He respected your weirdness and was always proud of his own.

He always gave of himself and never asked for anything in return.

He'd call you full of crap and it never hurt your feelings. He'd take endless ribbing about his clothes and taste in women. Jokes about lesbians and inappropriateness were standard in our group of friends. He had no indoor voice and his laugh was so unique and loud it felt good to make him laugh because you could hear it everywhere.

I still hear it.

We had so many good times, I have so many pictures of him just enjoying himself and the friends around him.

I was so proud that he was encouraging my photo-taking and even used my pictures as his avatars.

I have such a hard time imagining that I can't message him anymore, or tweet him or have a meal with him.

It was so painful and so tragic because we all know that it shouldn't have been him. It shouldn't have happened. It's one of those situations that makes you wonder what kind of cosmic being is so cruel that they would take away such a good person.

We hurt and we cry because we know he was the best of us and so many people were helped and touched by him.

We miss you Ryan. You were one of my closest friends and you were just there and we just had dinner and now you're not here and it's so awful.

I said it on your facebook page and I'll say it again. Wherever you are, I hope that it is loud and colorful and awesome. I hope you know how loved and appreciated you were.

I hope you found a girl that isn't a lesbian or unreliable.

Love you man.